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Him: “Hey what type of fuel mileage you get in that big ass truck?”

Me: I was just asked that yesterday, 14 city / 17 freeway / 24 open hwy.

Him: “Well then I guess that is because your electrical system is pretty clean huh? But then agian you know about IT type things and all”

Me: What the hell are you talking about?

Him: “Hmmph! well then I guess you don’t know as much as you let on about.

Me: Seriously, before you annoy me any further, what the hell are you talking about?

Him: I saw on the news…

(before proceeding, 2 weeks ago I had a conversation with a “true tech guy” friend of mine who said anytime someone asks him a IT question beginning with the statement “I saw it on the news” he cringes, waiting for the stupidity)

Him: I saw on the news, a news report that said a good clean electrical system in your car raises your MPG. So I figured you might already be doing it, since you drive a truck.

Me: I really don’t know anything about cars, other than I once had a car that in order to get it to the mechanics I had pop-start it, in order to get it there and have my alternator and the battery replaced.
So, I am fairly confident in my knowledge that those two systems are independent of each other in a “fuel” engine.

Him: That’s where your wrong! The cleaner the electrical system, the easier electricity travels through your car, thus the less fuel you burn as a result of your engine having to do less work! I bought a Fuel Doctor and have increased MPG by 15%

Me: Your an idiot! So do you also turn off your BlueTooth and Navigation to save fuel as well?

Him: Why do you always have to be such an ass.

Me: You never seem to get any smarter?

Go Look it up HERE, the only thing stupider than the product is the comments/reviews of the disappointed people. My favorite is the Electrical Engineer who thought he would give it a try.

Follow Up — About an hour later I passed him and showed off a paper clip that I fastened to the back of my iPhone with tape.

Him: What’s that for?

Me: Same guy that invented the Fuel Doctor tried to get a patent on this but Apple went after him with an injunction.

Him: Apple! They truly are bastards, I keep reading about stuff like that. So what’s it do?

Me: Increases cell range and increases Wi-Fi range.

Him: Sweet! Good to know! (as he walks away)

So start checking the tech idiots around you, should any of them begin sporting a paperclip and tape antenna, you can claim that you knew me before I invented it.

Under normal circumstances I could drive into Mexico with a semi truck emblazoned with the words “Illegal Stuff” and have a donkey standing on my hood and I would simply get the green light and proceed on my trip. 

But because I am on my way to meet Aaron Foor in Ensenada there has to be a glitch (every single time, even once being kicked out of Mexico back into the USA at the border, but that is another story)

As I am in the line up to enter Mexico, I notice the car to my right has a full on aluminum dog sled lashed to their roof. As I ponder, what will they do with it in Baja? How will they explain it if they are questioned? Where are their dogs? 

It is my car that gets the red light signal for secondary inspection, just as the dog sled laden car gets a green light!

Two soldiers ask me to step out of my car and begin to question me.

Guard: What is your reason for crossing the border?

Me: To get to Mexico

Guard: How did you get here?

Me: That car (pointing at my car) 

Guard: What will you buy?

Me: Buy?

Guard: Yes what will you buy?

Me: Do you have a gift shop?

Guard: What?

At this point solider #2 is frustrated I will not even attempt Spanish with him and fetches a third person, who has better English 

New Guard: What will you attempt to buy?

Me:  Why is that even a question?

New Guard: Open your trunk 

As they open my camera bag up

New Guard: Why do you have a camera

Me: I am a photographer

New Guard:  You have 2 cameras here! Do plan to sell them in Mexico?

Me: I just told you, I am a photographer.

They pause and stare at me, where will you go?

So I pointed South 

New Guard: OK you should go.

Me: After I buy stuff, should I bring you my list?

New Guard: What list?

Me: Of everything that I buy in Mexico 

New Guard:  Why?

Me: Hey it was your line of questioning and I am just trying to be helpful.

Today at the market a lady in front of me in line ask the checker to please summon the manager as she wanted to make a formal complaint. The checker called the manager over; Ma’am how can I help you? I want to complain about your leaks! While looking at the ceiling he said Ma’am it is not raining? NOT LEAKS, YOU DO NOT HAVE LEEKS she screamed. I am sorry perhaps they are not in season and we could check with the produce manager to see when we might get a shipment? He said. I already did and you are not expecting any! Then I am not sure what I can do for you? You can start by having them when I need them, today I am making Potato & Leek soup and your store has totally F***ed that up now! Perhaps you can call ahead of time on your next visit and right up the street is a Henry’s market that specializes in produce, perhaps they will be able to help you? NO this is my market and WHY DO YOU HAVE CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING! Very calmly the manager said it is December which means we play that music and being winter some things are not on season, will be anything else? She looked around at everyone quite exasperated, except at me, because not only did I want to point out she was making a scene but she also had 19 items in the 12 or less line. Oh Southern California sometimes I despise your people.